what does it mean when a girl plays hard to get

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I have written several posts covering the inquiry on playing hard to get. These explain how playing hard to get works on the social influence principles of scarcity and reactance; when it is best to play hard to get; and the best times for men and women to be aristocratic or responsive. I have also explored research confirming that teasing someone in such means increases desire, simply decreases friendly feelings—along with the general benefits of making a partner piece of work for your angel, too.

Nonetheless, even with all of that inquiry, some questions remain:

• How exactly do people play hard to get, and what tactics do they use?
• What are the reasons people play hard to go, and does information technology get them what they desire?
• Does playing difficult to get piece of work for all types of relationships?

I went dorsum into the research for some answers.

Research on Tactics for Playing Difficult to Get

In an in-depth article by Jonason and Li (2013), "Playing Difficult-to-Get: Manipulating One's Perceived Availability as a Mate," the authors report on a few studies evaluating various behaviors people employ for playing hard to go, their reasons for doing it, and the event it has on potential mates. The authors theorize that daters play hard to get to increase the perceived demand and value of themselves as a mate, and to test the interest and delivery of potential partners.

In the get-go study, Jonason and Li asked an initial set of participants to list the behaviors that people apply to play difficult to get—while a second prepare of participants rated the frequency of such behaviors. Overall, the authors listed 58 behaviors that people employ when playing hard to go, including:

• Acting confidently, limiting cocky-disclosure, and not expressing many emotions.
• Talking to people other than the intended mate, flirting with them, or even dating other people.
• Giving accidental physical contact, merely offering limited physical affection and withholding sex.
• Acting sarcastic but friendly; teasing, playing games, and taunting.
• Making others work to get them and chase them.
• Acting decorated, staying busy, and prioritizing other things.
• Flirting only then stopping; giving attention but then disappearing.
• Acting not attracted, disinterested, and non-responsive.
• Taking a long fourth dimension to respond to calls and texts, or not responding at all.

The general tactics of playing hard to get were nigh typically described by the following 5 behaviors:

• Having express availability.
• Sounding decorated.
• Existence difficult to get a hold of.
• Seeking attention but then disregarding it.
• Showing initial interest, and then letting it wane.

In the second study, Jonason and Li evaluated why men and women play hard to get, also as the characteristics associated with each reason. Results of that study indicate that both men and women primarily play difficult to become for two reasons:

1. To increment demand for themselves and make someone want them more.
2. To examination a partner'southward level of interest and willingness to commit.

Both of these motivations for playing hard to get were more probable to be held past participants who already perceived that their mate value was high (i.e. they thought they were a skillful catch). They were besides more likely to be used by those with narcissistic or manipulative personalities (some of whom also played difficult to get to encompass that they were really dating other people, also).

The team's third study looked at the issue of playing difficult to get on desirability equally a date, sexual partner, and relationship partner. Participants were asked to rate their interest based on scenarios of potential partners who were described as either very easy to get (low availability); very hard to go (high availability); or in between (medium availability). The results showed that both men and women preferred very easy-to-get partners for curt-term sex, but preferred partners who had medium availability for dates and relationships. This finding supports the results of other studies indicating that playing hard to get is actually most being selective and discriminating—with people most desiring someone as a relationship partner who is attainable to them, but non to anyone else (Walster, Walster, Piliavin, and Schmidt, 1973).

Should You lot Play Hard to Get?

Given these results, it appears that some of the behaviors and tactics associated with playing difficult to get succeed in making someone more desirable as a date or human relationship partner. They can also exist a way to test a partner'south level of interest and commitment. Nevertheless, for those interested in playing difficult to get, it takes some finesse, the correct timing, and the proper balance.

As other research notes, the approach of playing hard to get is a trade-off between want and frustration—pulling the potential partner in and then pushing them away. That is why many of the tactics are teasing and "running hot and cold"—they provide some balance between the two extremes. As a result, yous begin the process past building initial interest and getting attention, then switch gears by condign aloof and letting others chase yous. Playing hard to get requires that y'all first learn how to be attractive to others in different means and know how to get their attending. But then volition being somewhat aloof increment the allure—just it will not create it from scratch.

Many of the remaining behaviors associated with playing difficult to get are means of prolonging the hunt—and these tactics assume that interest is already present. Strategies such equally sounding decorated, being hard to contact, taking a long fourth dimension to respond, and being non-responsive are behaviors best used in a more established relationship. They are particularly helpful when yous have been too squeamish and feel overlooked, when your partner is not grateful, or when you are trying to escape "the friend zone."

Think: The objective is to exist "moderately" difficult to go and selective, not completely inaccessible and off-limits. This is particularly true when yous desire to found or maintain a longer-term human relationship. Behaviors similar encouraging and flirtatious touching, rewarding a partner'due south good behaviors, and building rapport through conversation are important to rest out aristocratic or teasing actions. Afterward all, sometimes y'all have to permit the other person "grab" you lot to reward their chasing.

The balancing act of being moderately hard to go holds true for about relationships, unless you are just interested in a brusk-term fling. According to the research, playing hard to become is not effective for a hook-up because partners seeking brusk-term sex are non interested in substantial investments of time or energy.

Only if you want to gauge whether a partner cares about you for more than than just a fling, play hard to get—a little—and see whether they intendance plenty to invest more than in you, too.

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© 2016 by Jeremy S. Nicholson, Grand.A., M.S.W., Ph.D. All rights reserved.

References

Jonason, P. K., & Li, N. P. (2013). Playing hard to become: Manipulating 1's perceived availability every bit a mate. European Journal of Personality, 27, 458-469. Walster, E.,Walster,Chiliad. W., Piliavin, J.,& Schmidt, L. (1973). "Playing hard to become": Understanding an elusive miracle. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 26, 113-121.

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Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201606/how-and-why-play-hard-get

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